Miami Nice, Miami Not-So-Nice
My pad in Miami Beach is ridiculous. The location could not be better, my parents completely set up the place for me before I even got here, and I really can't think of a place I'd rather call home after a long day of stuffing my brain full of molecular biology and genetics. All in all, things are good here. Thus concludes the Miami Nice portion of this entry.
As for not-so-nice, what's the deal with Miami Vice? I think this may have been the worst action movie I have ever seen. In addition to the four people with whom I saw the movie, I don't know a single person who liked it. The action scenes were boring (though some of Michael Mann's shots and scenes are cinematically very nice), there was neither chemistry nor dialogue between the leading men, the love story was completely non-believable and there was absolutely nothing driving the plot to make me actually care about the outcome. It was laughably bad, particularly Colin Farrell's bad American accent, both Foxx's and Farrell's sketch-ball facial hair, and the fact that each was involved in his own shower scene. Why would Michael Mann use two shower scenes??? Also amusing was Colin Farrell bringing his love interest to Havana by boat from Miami for a date. Cuba is close, but it's not that close. Even in a really fast boat.
And the woman we are supposed to believe he is falling in love with is an Asian woman from Cuba. Seriously, how many Asian-Cubans are there? And she speaks terrible English. By far the funniest part of the movie, though, is during a sex scene when we see a closeup of Farrell's face, as he says to her "Hola, chica." To which she replies, "Hola, chico." This is the type of cheesey half-assed dialogue that was all over the place. In the words of the great Tobias Funke, "Douche chill!!!"
Now to the nitty gritty. What I can't figure out is how in the hell this movie got such good reviews: Newsweek, New Yorker, Village Voice, New York Daily News, Boston Globe, Chicago Tribune, Roeper, Time Magazine, New York Times, New York Post, and Rolling Stone all gave good reviews. How is this humanly possible? It's even got a "Rotten" on rottentomatoes.com (which, for the layperson means that its overall rating by laypeople is not good). My only explanation has come down to a conspiracy theory, whereby Universal Pictures paid people off to give it good reviews. I mean, seriously, if you were a studio that put $135 million into a movie that you realized was not that great, wouldn't it be in your best interest, economically speaking, to spend a few grand, or even another million, on getting your movie some sick reviews? Where are my investigative journalists, eh? Someone's got to delve deeper into this...